dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
