The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
