i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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