last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
