she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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