fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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