I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
