Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I believe in your delicious
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
