We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
