Swine flu. Run for my life!
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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