I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
