Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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