had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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