if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
