I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
