They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She even gives head with a lisp.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Randomize
