Say something about gay babies.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
