before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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