life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
