I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
