I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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