Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
