I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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