Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
