Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
