Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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