I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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