Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
