i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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