just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
