Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
