Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
