Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
