I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
