my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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