i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i was born a porn star she said
I think I am morally bankrupt
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
