Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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