So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
