Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Screwed.edu
I smell stomach acid.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
