You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
