Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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