Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
