I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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