the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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