This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Of course I have a pirate flag
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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