sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize