I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
