So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
