Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
