I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
