You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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